ups and downs on a much more even scale

So I've had some down days. I think that is to be expected, especially considering I recently lost a brother whom I love.
I slept a lot, felt sad, unmotivated, and not terribly interested in much at all. I'd think of my brother and cry. I'd feel down, so I'd sleep... Depression... I even had a couple of days in which I felt my mind might be starting to undermine my medication. My focus was off, my nerves were starting to rise and I was feeling very sensitive to any possible slight. I realized that I had not been taking the best care of myself, eating horribly, not exercising much and lack of a regular bedtime seemed to be getting to me. I'm changing those back to a more healthy standard and I am already feeling the level difference. I seem to be following the same cycle of ups and downs and in betweens, only now it is manageable. It feels...umm...how'd you say... uh "normal." It is nice. I got excited again last night just realizing how manageable a couple of days of excessive day sleeping were and that they have not turned me into the beastliest of creatures.

To those who have had the fortune or misfortune of being around me, may you know we are very fortunate that I have worked so danged hard to keep myself in line. Had I not been aware and worked so hard at it, I'd have been a complete nutcase, seriously! I think that my own self awareness and the logging of it will help me to avoid the common pitfall of quiting medication too soon because "I am fine." So it is with that, that I will stress the value of education and societal values and standards... though I'm probably still a rebel of societal expectations on some level and forms.