The Gym

 It's not my thing 

and it's not my scene.

But my body has changed and I am getting older. 

Running does not work the same anymore, yet I still need the exercise. I also need to strengthen my core to accommodate for

the lower back injury that now objects to many things I used to enjoy, like running and sleeping on the ground in a tent. 

So Gym seems like a good idea. 

We have a week free, to try it out. I went once with spouse and son and it was surprisingly fun not that bad. I liked the versatility of the activities I could do, my core seems to approve, and my energy and focus felt better upon returning home from the outing. 

Today son is working and spouse is snowmobiling. I have way too much to do on the legal end, but am feeling overwhelmed. So I think Gym would be a good new friend to start my day with. ...

... But somehow, all dressed up with somewhere to go, movement starts to become rather slow. I give myself the pep talk and encouragement I seem to need,.. But instead of my feet moving towards the door, tears start to flow and I find myself frozen as I stare at my exit trying muster the strength and courage to leave.  I don't understand why this is hard for me and why tears are streaming down my face in response to my desire to go to the gym.

It's almost as if all my recent efforts to improve myself and society have been fraught with frustration and degradation. 

Maybe that is all it is. 

And I am afraid

To leave my house 

and leave it alone

to try and improve the quality of me alone

in an environment that is new

but supposed to be something and somewhere built for the masses for the purpose of improving ones health...

ahh 

now there it is. 

blogging it out proving productive -or is it seductive- again as a few last stray tears find there way out of the mayhem inside that will forever be pressing for resolution and solution

Now...

Do I stay or do I go?

Go. 

and hope for the best. as always I guess. 

Except that now I am exhausted again

and tilting; 

my eyes pressuring me to close    

...

...

Originally published on 2/3/24 at 9:52 am

Now it 12:13 and I am back from the Gym.

It is very strange how the universe works at times for a person who rarely runs into people she knows. 

As I walked the track to cool down I noticed a grey haired man shooting hoops who seemed familiar. He looked a lot my previous physical therapist. The one who had pointed out that I reminded him of his  friend Jan Broberg, partly because I was behaving like someone whom had been groomed to protect their groomer. He was the physical therapist I saw after the ankle surgery that occurred amidst the ongoing malpractice, when I was mess after being "terminated" by Dr. P but still being treated by Dr. R at the same Neurosciences Institute that was denying the mania and then failing to refer so I could get appropriate care and diagnosis. 

I had talked with this therapist and cried to him quite a bit about the situation I was trying to understand when I was both his patient and theirs.  He was the therapist who had asked, "what's the worst possible outcome," in regards to the scenario I could not then fully comprehend or accept. 

"That he's a grooming psychologist and I have to stop him," was the automatic instinctive answer I provided to him then. 

As it turns out, the grey haired man shooting hoops was precisely that physical therapist. He still remembers who I am and he was curious to know if anything was ever resolved. 

What an odd coincidence. 

Or does God still work in mysterious ways?

Stark Contrast

 Today, while we waited for my sons turn to virtually speak with the Judge in the 1st District Court, we had to wait for a hearing impaired lady, we'll call hear Ms. H, who was called to address the Court ahead of my son. It was very hard to witness as the interpreter, county prosecuting attorney, and Court tried to figure out how to effectively communicate via small virtual boxes that were broadcasting each person from entirely separate locations and when Ms. H could not see well enough what was being signed due to the limitations and complications of the virtual court environment. 

It took far longer than it would have if they had all been present in the same room so it was a bit hard not to be annoyed with the 1st District for this shortsightedness. But at least the Judge and prosecuting attorney were patient with Ms. H, the interpretter, and the circumstances. 
After they got all the kinks worked out well enough that communication was seeming effective, Ms. H asked for extra time to pay her $150.00 fine. It hurt my heart when she explained she was not sure if she could pay it by February because she was currently unemployed and actively searching. It hurt my heart because I know far too intimately now how discriminating people really are against differently abled people and with a disability like that it is even harder to find a job and fair pay. Although she is likely and hopefully receiving some form of SSI, I also know from family members and friends who have had to rely on SSI for disability, it really is not enough to pay for anything extra like this and I just kept hoping the prosecuting attorney and Judge would knock more of the fine off for her. 

Alas, they did not. 

HOWEVER

A man, we'll call him Mr. T, who was also waiting to speak with the Judge asked if he could just pay it off for her. At first we, the audience, were not sure if he was just feeling impatient with how long it was taking or if he was genuinely wanting to help this lady out the way my heart wanted to (-but cannot because my extra money has to now go to IHC's own attorneys because they are very effective at misrepresenting things and especially me and my own assigned Court buys in)-. The Court initially seemed to be ignoring Mr. T, but as he persisted, it became obvious that his intention was honest and made out of compassion.  Still the Court had not acknowledged his offer and considering how the 3rd District Court has treated me in regards to disability related issues, I was genuinely fearful the 1st District Court might chastise this man for speaking out of turn AND somehow take it out on Ms. H. 

But alas, THEY DID NOT. 

Finally, having worked out the kinks of communication, the Court acknowledge Mr. T as a "good Samaritan" offering to pay and asked Ms. H if she would be willing to accept the offer. She asked, "can I pay you back?"

To which Mr. T simply answered, "no." 

The interpreter explained that it was not a loan but a gift and Ms. H graciously accepted. 

Of course the Judge called Mr. T's case next and even announced, in a playful way, that if any of the rest of us waiting wanted to move our own cases up in the line, we could make a good Samaritan offer.  The country prosecuting attorney also jumped on the bandwagon of good deeds and reduced Mr. T's own fine to zero dollars. He still got the reduced speeding charge but no fine. 

What a nice change. And what a breath of fresh air. 

But the fresh air did not even end there. 

When it was my son's turn, neither my husband nor I got chastised or accused of "practicing law without a license" for assisting my son with speaking. Nor did we get told answering our questions would be giving legal advice. In fact, the Court actually offered to assist and told us how and what my son needed to do for the discovery process AND the County prosecuting attorney even offered his assistance with that. No guessing or chastising for not knowing, no degradation for even asking. It was a good thing my husband was here to encourage my son to ask, because, after all we have been through with that same District and in my case in the 3rd District, he was terrified to ask or say anything. 

Speaking of terrified, you should have seen both my son's and husband's reactions when I attempted to respond to Mr. T, via side chat, to let him know he should be able to pay that to the court, without the Judge's permission or approval, with just Ms. H's name. While waiting, unknowing if the Court would respond to or acknowledge Mr. T's offer, and wanting to try and prevent him from being chastised, I wanted so badly to make sure Mr. T knew how he could follow through with his offer of help. I also wanted to thank Mr. T for his acknowledgement of Ms. H's hardship and his compassion as teared welled, But alas my own dear family has been so scarred now by the courts' reactions to me in regards to my own disabilities that the fear of involvement was understandably too high and I had to refrain for their sakes. Tears welled even more knowing this. 

Stark Contrast.

At least some faith in humanity and our courts in general have been restored for a moment. 

 

 At least it is documented. 

Hoops of Lies

 Jumping through everyones hoops

only to find the hoop is a lie

into an abyss of lies

that drowns humanity, civility, justice and truth.  

Hoops of Lies 

aka

Our Judicial System

"You have done it unto me"

 Bipolar?

TBI?

Welcome to the Land of the Least of These. 

(not somewhere I thought I'd ever be but here I am)

The Wily Coyotes- the Metaphor of our Judicial System

 Just before my demise into mania, when I was resting on the brink of insanity -but at a point that was still quite preventable had my medical team intervened- I went for a run with my dog in the foothills of the rugged Rockies I live by.

Shortly after I had turned to head back to my car, I heard a cry in the distance. It was far off and indistinguishable at that distance, but loud enough to be of concern to me. I paused and listened. I heard nothing. I started walking again and the call came again. It was coming from the opposite direction that I was now going. I was tired having already gone the distance I had intended to go but this cry intrigued and concerned me.  It was not the normal yell of playful persons bouncing their voice off the great rocky walls towering above and it was not the time of day that such playful echoing banter would normally occur. As I slowly walked in the opposite direction towards my car my thoughts were disturbed with visions of newscasters announcing the disappearance or demise of a hiker in the area and  I could not ease my conscience enough to ignore this possible cry for help. So equally-curious-dog and I turned to investigate. My speed increased when the cry came again, knowing that this cry for help would mean desperation indicative of injury that could be fatal if left without aid for too long 

As I got closer to the area of the cries, I'd pause and listen. As the cries became more clear they sounded less human like. When I got close enough I could hear whining, yelping, and whimpering sounds that had not been audible further back and it became more evident that this noise was not from a person but an animal. It sounded to me like an injured dog and since these foothills were not far from the homes of potential pet owners and playful echoers I considered this possibility as I cautiously continued, hyper aware as I scanned for indications of location. Occasionally the sounds seemed thrown, as if they were coming form both sides of the trail I was on. 

I continued until the sounds were directly above me. Then I noticed movement in the brush about 100 feet up the slope to the side of the trail I was on. It was a semi-steep slop and I wondered if it was worth checking out because I really had no way of helping an injured animal in this location and with my young dog accompanying. As I thought this, the brush started to move in careful waves that were heading down towards me and my dog. I repositioned myself.  Ready to react, I watched until I caught the necessary glimpses that revealed who the maker of the sounds was. 

A coyote. 

And as he made a few confident and fearless bounds over thick brush, heading down towards us, I knew this animal was not injured and that my young k9 companion would make an easy snack for him.

All thoughts of injured hikers gone, my thoughts swiftly shifted to my and my pups safety as I instantly realized that the thrown sounds coming from the direction opposite the rocky echoing walls could easily be companions to this trickster who had been working to draw me in. My second wind set me into action as I made big noises and ran back the way we had come.  

Dog and I made it safely back to the truck with no issues and seemingly un-pursued. But always curious and being the research nerd I am, we waited for a bit in the safety of my vehicle as I delved into the sounds of coyotes via my research apparatus, my phone.  Although no coyotes reappeared as I researched, I learned a bit about how dynamic and versatile their language is and I was reminded of their wiliness and trickery. 

Coyotes do in fact lure other creatures into traps through various calls that include sounds that feign injury and they maximize the effectiveness of this deceptive practices by working together in groups. 

A different and new intrigue I found in my research was information about the coyote as a spirit animal and what the appearance of this creature meant from an ethereal and spiritual perspective. I do not now remember what the connective symbolism was that so intrigued me and I do not wish to delve too deep back into that divinatory aspect of this event but now from, this place in time and stability, it is interesting to see that the coyote was the first spirit animal apparition to appear; prescient to the trail of tears that followed. 

Another thing about coyotes is that they are no respecters of person or creature and they have even been known to steal small humans from the perceived safety of the wee lasses' own yards. 

It is a mournful realization that those are the types of creatures controlling the systems of checks and balances that are supposed to be protecting us and humans in our civilized societies and governments.  Wily coyotes who beckon you in by tricking you into believing that you are answering the call of duty to help others and yourself, only to find that you are the prey who has been lured into a trap that was actually only intended, by the wily coyotes who set them, to feed their own. 

Review for healthcare providers of Nelson and Naegle Attorneys at Law, Utah

Dear Nelson and Naegle Attorneys, 

You are genuinely bad people. 

And what fun for you to check and see how you are doing with me. 

Laugh and pass and let it guide you in your bullying strategy. 

*If you are a person checking to see if you want Nelson and Naegle to represent you, 

here is my review, If you are dishonest and looking to get away with it, these are definitely the attorneys for you -granted the other party does not have greater resources than you and can hire an attorney who is actually good at what they do. 

They are not likely to succeed in an honest court with and honest Judge and they are not likely to succeed against a skilled attorney who does more that arrogantly tout repeated phrases that prey on a judges biases. 

They are skilled at mischaracterizing the other party and the evidence and overconfidently presenting themselves. They are so skilled at overconfidently presenting whatever they present that it can be the most flawed logic and mischaracterization of law and opposing party but the Judge will still believe them, especially if you are going up against a pro se litigant.

However, they will milk your case as much as you will allow them to and they will not inform you of your legal rights, protections and obligations. For example if you are a healthcare provider looking to use them they are legally obligated to inform you of candor processes and that you are heavily protected by law if you admit your mistake and work to correct it. But I have a recorded conversation with them in which they declare they would never tell you to have a conversation with your client in order to try and settle the issue.  

If you are healthcare provider, you should also know that the data and statistics support that the overwhelming majority of patients have no desire and will not pursue any legal action if you, their healthcare provider, acknowledge your mistake[s]. The patient is even less likely to pursue legal action if you do anything to correct your mistake. But it is unlikely Nelson and Naegle attorneys will tell you this.

They will vilify and abuse your patient for you to the Court and in Court and drag it out as long as they can, milking every penny of malpractice insurance they can- so if that is what you are looking for, these are your guys- but also you should NOT be a healthcare provider if you want to hire people like this to use against your patients when you have made a mistake -especially correctable and mitigable mistakes.