rewrite the wrongs

They say you can't rewrite your past. But actually you can in so many ways. and people do all of the time.
I can rewrite my focus and my perspective.
My husband, running with me, on a broken leg and we didn't even know it. No changing of truth, just changing of understanding and perspective, lets go of frustration and hurt, now the past is rewritten to a happier, even comical story.
Rewrite your past. Find the truths you may have over looked, find the parts that can give you peace and comfort and rewrite your own wrongs, than love the new you

Piñata People -Per Tab

My chemistry is getting all awry again and I am not entirely sure why.

I'm getting a little messed up again and chemicals are starting to surge and it really bothers me. Although it can be exhilarating it bothers me when I have to work so hard to maintain the "normal" levels. I don't like when I have to make such an effort to pretend that I'm just like all the other unimpaired humanoids walking around; when I struggle to keep down the reckless party that is pushing internally on my piñata like walls, waiting to be burst by any happy party goer.
That was yesterday. I took a quarter of a clonazepam to counter the chemistry. It helped.
...but I still hate that at times I seem to need that. Do I?

Superpowers

A manic has the super powers but lacks the discipline and often doesn't know how to control those superpowers.
A narcissist has no superpowers but has a lot of control and even self discipline. They often mistake that for superpowers.
What a nightmare of a pair
or Hancock style match.
a comedian
I am funny
as I try to illustrate the power of chemistry and connection so carelessly handled.

/|\ /\ /|\ that feels about right \|/ Grow and go

and now somehow I need to get unstuck
avoiding phone calls and texts that I actually care about
of some significance.
trouble with my job and I'm not responding
things that are not trouble and I just don't care
I'm stuck a bit
time to unstick
and I'll write it out to get me out
of my very own head
Off to find some surface to paint out the rest of me. to let the colors git all mixed up and show me what I see/\
That little image came on its own so I'll let it.
Good day
time to play

In Bed

When I was trying to solve the mystery of my head you thought I was trying to solve the mystery of your bed (or you wanted me to)
A giant arrow, I've never seen before just confirmed the truth I hit on
am I going crazy
all gaslight up
so you can burn out?
you sent me back<
back to what I was
the better safer place for me?
not back. not here.
 >>> but no future
a monster
behind the mask
"I'll fuck you up
if
you mess with me"
but he says in it his oh so nice way: "What we've had is a beautiful thing and I wouldn't want to fuck that up"
... said like that it feels like your fault
oh the mind trap
I'm here again for solving

...but that's just it
I was trying to solve what was in my head
not what was in his bed

Identity

I am not a sex crazed artist.
That’s just not me.
He tried to turn me into his Fantasy
And I need to turn him in.
Sometimes doing the right thing is so very difficult

My sister likes that my fire has returned. I am me again she says. But I also need to be aware of how I cut people off she says... from helping me.

To protect them from me?
This is too too much

He, A monster, she says, from the beginning...

I am not what he has made me out to be
I am walled and protected in my transparency.
I am glass
these walls are made of glass
These walls are made of me

Alone
I have faced so much and felt I was supposed to
why?
the layers of the onion
when I get to the center I will find nothing
so why keep peeling back the layers
that are making me cry
so very much

Broken
again
and
again
why?
a child
Please please let me be the adult
and release me from this fantasy
talk with me
I am not so scary
unless you want me to be

these walls are made of glass
and easily broken
please
help me understand
so I don't have to turn you in
for breaking the walls you were supposed to leave.
-your demolition crew got carried away and then walked away...
no more negative stigma from the team whose job it is to fight that
Please

whatever it needs to be

....writing just for me
already over 80

logic suggests

My logical, rational brain
Knows now, understands why people don't want to turn in what they know is not right, when they have been treated wrong.
They want to believe that they are special.
They irony, the double edged sword, maybe even the hypocrisy? is that if one does turn someone in and they really were "special," "the only one" they will forever feel that they have just betrayed that magical mystical fairytale fantasy of just "the one."
Is this the conspiracy of Hollywood, fairytales and Walt?
Is this the bigger bad I am struggling to understand?
He won't talk to me, and it is not to protect me, it is to protect himself. But his job was to help me and put my wellbeing first, he is obligated to legally and ethically, but I became his fairytale fantasy or another token in his collection of games. I am not a token and I do not belong on his proverbial shelf, waiting for his disposal, his next play.
Dr. Concussion, you too? part of the game. to tell me I'd be better served somewhere else and promise to help me find a new team only to abandon that because you can't find anyone yourself. You, the doctor in the industry can't find a fit for me? But somehow I am supposed to, when I have voiced this as my struggle and my concern, I have told you? You are the right place and the right fit from my own research. This makes no sense.
their is something pathological to this and it might not be me