Untangling the Mirror Neurons

So I decided after the last debacle of an appointment I didn't care that the place I wanted to go to first and all along does not take my insurance, I was going to their neurologist because at very least the communication with my psychiatric PA would be easy since they are run through the same university medical system.
Now I embrace my TBIness and jump-a kind of "kersplat-splat" communicating as my dear friend Renée calls it.
-Mirror Neurons
I think that TBI magnifies those a bit.
I think that TBI makes us a bit more childlike
I think that TBI is actually what made me an effective and talented elementary school educator.
I kind of understand better how their little brains are working and processing.
I get that when our little kiddos repeat something it does not mean they understand it, or at least not completely yet. It means they are processing and trying to learn. It means they have or might be picking up on some portion of the concept and they are hopefully making progress towards a more complete understanding. I would utilize this as a teacher and use it as a tool in the reverse. I would have kids repeat things to try and help it stick. I would ask them to repeat back in their own words. I would have them repeat to a friend or try to teach the concept to each other. I would listen to how they repeated and ask clarifying questions to make sure I really understood where they were at in their learning. Now I can't take full credit for these teaching strategies because I also learned them in my teacher training college courses, but I can say most teachers I know and have worked with don't quite understand the significance and mechanisms of how and why these strategies worked. Many teachers did not utilize them fully or very often. My TBI also helped me understand that there is usually more then one way to do things. This understanding is also highly useful in working with children. It is important for them to learn if we actually want them to become creative problem solvers and not just rote conformist robots.
Here is my theory: A TBI works something similar to a child's brain because a child's brain is still firing all over the place and, as their brains develop and learn, their little brains find the fastest most efficient routes in processing and preforming different tasks. Kids' brains are working to develop the super highways of processing that adults have developed so solidly. Adult brains have learned to work so efficiently, taking those same neuro-pathways, that we know a whole lot about what area of the brain is is working and responsible for certain tasks. Adult neuro-pathways are so established and so efficient at the job they do that it can become extremely difficult for people to think outside the boxes that they were wired and trained in.
But the TBI brain has had to learn neuroplasticity. When one part is injured that is best suited for that task our brains do their very best to find a different way. So in that way, our brains can function a bit more like a child's developing brain.
And that is not always bad thing.
But it is terribly misunderstood.
Even by the professionals within the industry. Which is why they really should listen to us in more respectable ways. We are not stupid, in fact on the contrary, our brilliant broken brains can make connections that non-broken brains don't even remember exist. Sometimes at hyper speeds.
Mirror neurons are another beautifully brilliant tool we have... that sometimes causes problems, as we sometimes are not fully aware of, why, how and how much we are mirroring. We can also become easily sidetracked and forget where it is we were really trying to go. This can be good for those around us if they understand it, but it can also lead to easy abuses of us. We can be redirected fairly easily but the emotions of the other person. I believe this was happening to some degree with neurologist Dr. Untangle as her preconceived notion frustration or her misunderstanding me impatience definitely took me off track.
This happened very definitely with that one guy, Dr. P-Dr. He-Dr. Jackass or what ever I call him these days- I was easily derailed from what I was desperately trying to show him and the subject that I knew needed to be addressed, the very reason I was saying, "I can't loose you right now,"  because I was reacting too extreme, there was something more going on with my head, and I was, in fact, manic... But mirror neurons really liked that man, and went easily off track with him.
And TBI is likely why. But I had been misdiagnosed, it was being called a concussion, which is not small thing, but is not the same as a permeant, visible on MRI, damage causing TBI.
I can explain that too.
But mostly, if it had been recognized for what it was in the first place by the first doctor, I would not have been fired from the school I worked at, at least not the way I was, and many things would have been handled very differently, possibly even how I was handled by Dr. Jackass Perri. Sorry, Dr. Jackass, that you have progressed to that identifying tag, but I am sure you understand why and YOU KNOW YOU DESERVE IT... which actually brings me to another not-so-negative thing about us TBI'ers- I can call you that and mean it but also still love you and easily forgive with a willingness and ability to move past it for the good of all involved. We don't hold grudges the way others do. Maybe not at all. Sometimes maybe we should. I digress, but we have been broken open and we know and understand very well: human foibles, that people actually can learn and change, and that people are not as bad as the mistakes they make.
Your welcome. Also, we are either not as, or more, smart ass then we can come off... but we are definitely not as arrogant as we can seem. And these things make me laugh,  maybe in my broken brain-laugh at inappropriate times- kind of way. And maybe only I and my broken brain friend Renée actually get my sense of humor, but that's okay with me.
And I just have to add one more thing about those mirror neurons we TBIers are extra sensitive to, If you think we are being a jackass or stupid it probably has more to do with those mirror neurons reflecting back you back.

Your therapist: The scariest person you will ever meet

Dr. She is now officially the scariest person in the world to me.
And here is why:
Fortunately for me, my husband recorded the appointment that went so badly with Dr. Neurologist. Feeling hopeless and alone again I sent an email to Dr. She and asked her if she would listen and help me process it. Please help me understand what I am doing wrong. Help me "untangle" all of this.
Dr. She responded very quickly saying she would, moving my appointment up and telling me it's okay and that I don't have to figure this out alone.
I don't have to try to figure this out alone...
"that's good says my husband"
and it is... but she is the only person who has said this to me.
This is why we get attached to therapists.

We need help and we need people to care enough to help us figure out the hard stuff
but too many of us don't have that
add the depth and complexity of all that makes me me, TBI, intelligence, concern for others, ...bipolar...
and not many people are willing to say that
far less mean it for longer than a day.
But honestly, I think that is the first time in my life, ever, that someone has said this to me...
Except maybe my one friend who has tried to be there through this. She has said I don't have to go through this alone. That is so very nice too.
It is nice to know you are not completely alone when you are so very alone.
But Dr She is a paid for service. and I don't know how long she will really stick around... and now she is the scariest person in the world to me
because I need her so very much...
Just like how I so desperately needed Dr. He and his expertise... when he needed me to be
Nothing
It's scary.
This is very, very scary.

Miss Under Stood here -present... wait, what was the question again?

New Neurologist.
I was hopeful. I had decided I like her. I gave her lots of credit....
I should know better than to do that by now.
Basically, I can't start climbing the mountain of dealing with my TBI until I untangle the mess that was made of me by the Neuroscience Institute.
That seems to be her prognosis.
But then when I ask questions because I need clarification and because I AM trying to untangle that mess she tells me there is no organization to my thoughts and that I am talking in circles.
But then she has the dates wrong about when the MRI was done in relations to the accident.
And she took the first 14 minutes to explain, in circles, that it is not her policy that I cannot record our appointment and that she is not even sure why that is a rule and she didn't think to ask, but she is basically on the same page as me, and it is not her policy, and she probably should have asked.... and around and around for a good 10-15 minutes...
So am I really talking in circles or is this a bias and a stigma, that goes along with the location of the TBI damage? She suggests it is.
And I ask for clarification on this, but it is to tangled with the other stuff, for her to be able to clarify, I guess...
And then I am talking in circles again... when I thought I was rephrasing my question...
and around and around it goes,
she can only address the tremor and monitor, but she has no answers
because she didn't know me before and it is too entangled...
and I have to untangle it, which is what I am trying to do,
and she has not even explained encephalomalcia with gliosis or why the other neurologist was worried about seizures...
She is confused by some of the questions I ask for clarification on, things that concussion doctor had told me. She is concerned about how I was treated and wonders if she needs to report things but because I have hired a lawyer (who, at this point, is clearly not doing anything) and I have talked about reporting -which hasn't happened because I have been waiting on the lawyer who clearly isn't doing anything; and I tried to explain that too but she was too glad to feel that she did not need to report, she says she will and has no problem with doing that, but again she thinks it's already being handled.
Oh what an unmanageable mess this is turning out to be. She does not seem to understand that we need to start at zero with my understanding of the TBI since it was obviously misdiagnosed. She at least confirmed that, that the damage that I have would not have been from a mTBI, aka concussion, but rather from a full blown TBI.
sigh...
At least that.
And my head is hopeless and tired again. and what the hell does it all mean??
TBI is irreversible I can just learn to accommodate, not heal, like Dr. Concussion said was possible at the end when she was telling me there was a good chance my TBI's would not even show up on MRI, I think that was clarified. Does location of injury effect mood stability? She seemed to be saying it does but my attempts for clarification on that were again, misunderstood...
My husband can't explain what I was not getting but he is still mad at me for not getting it...except "I'm not mad" he growls ... And around and around it goes... when it stops no one knows.
loops and holes and the growing noses.
Oh, So that's why their noses were so big! At least some clarification there. At least that. But man, the confusion in trying to treat and even work with me because I am still trying to get clarification on what the hell happened to my head from those who can't answer because they "weren't the ones treating me at that time" and the the medical records received are quite convoluted and defamatory.
Yes, misdiagnosis, "defensive medicine," and false allegations and accusations to cover are a problem.
sigh and bye