Please release me from your fantasy

"(b) Psychologists do not engage in sexual intimacies with former clients/patients even after a two-year interval except in the most unusual circumstances. Psychologists who engage in such activity after the two years following cessation or termination of therapy and of having no sexual contact with the former client/patient bear the burden of demonstrating that there has been no exploitation, in light of all relevant factors, including (1) the amount of time that has passed since therapy terminated; (2) the nature, duration, and intensity of the therapy; (3) the circumstances of termination; (4) the client's/patient's personal history; (5) the client's/patient's current mental status; (6) the likelihood of adverse impact on the client/patient; and (7) any statements or actions made by the therapist during the course of therapy suggesting or inviting the possibility of a posttermination sexual or romantic relationship with the client/patient."

https://www.apa.org/ethics/code/

Please, Dear Dr. Cheri, release me from your fantasy. Are you fighting for me now or were you grooming and now covering? Please stop the game.  I cannot be what you want me to be or you very much misunderstood me. It was the dream I was referring to, not any rules you have to live by.
Your lack of apology, no accountability, and no contact keeps my tired broken brain tied to this lie. Deep down in your psychological psyche are you still holding onto me?

Please release me.

-e

Embracing my Perfectly Imperfect

There is a part of this that has stung a bit lately. It is that part that I have avoided writing too much about. I wish to write about all the good things I have learned and my take aways. The positive ways dear He helped me change. I want to write about these things because I want to keep, maintain and grow the new me I felt I was becoming when I was with him.
I keep finding there is more. I keep learning more about me, my patterns and just how engrained they really are and yet also how much they are changing and how much stronger I am. Just recognizing this so quickly this time shows significant progress and knowing, being willing and able to face it so quickly, that is also progress. Huge progress.
Which also makes me happy
...but oh dang it. I only slept about three hours last night and currently have too much energy to sleep and my mind is wishing to process and write worlds worth of information rather quickly...
so I suppose this could be the calm before the storm... am I on the verge of another manic mindset?
Husband is concerned about that AND he actually vocalized it (more huge progress). "I can't really make that happen" I say, but "can I prevent it?" we both ask.
Maybe.
Probably.
I prevented a complete breakdown on the last. This time maybe I can keep myself at a safer distance knowing that my body and brain are repeating the pattern.
So is it safe to tackle the subject of my dear Dr. Perri Cheri and how he helped me?
I think so and for fun's sake, here is how he got his name, I may have shared this already but just in case I didn't here you go:
Perri- this song, I used in attempt to explain my transference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvbErM6ZTBA 

Cheri- this song, because it so comically fits the scenario of transference-countertransference and because he is from the same place as the artists of the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2CiJ5U6x24 (and because I shared another clip from another one of their songs with him in my attempt to help him see that I was not completely understanding what he was saying and I felt that issue might be going both ways. It was.)