The insanity of psychology

I am blown away.
No countertransference. that is the claim.
He says so himself.
Fine. I even would have agreed with that at one point, because he had worded it in a way that was implied but neither confirmed nor denied
I gave them that out even, realizing I could have misinterpreted because I had gone manic
but now they want to deny that.
They claim I was not manic
so if it wasn't my manic misinterpretation than what was it?
You even state, transference and countertransference were discussed in your own documentation. so you cannot deny this conversation but you do and you cannot deny the evidence of out of character, irrational mania in my emails but you do.
When it all became cover your ass conversations
 and I became the scarlet liability
it was apparent
it was something.
They said, "not grooming, not countertransference"
but completely unwilling to talk with me and explain?
When I was trying to understand my own brain.

Dabbling in the dark arts of psychology
your cover is blown
so now it is gaslighting
they are working to break me
A power struggle?
Yes
But obviously you are the one in power
do you just need me to recognize that?
I don't want your power
and yes you have power over me
. Is that what you need, is that what you want?
Is your ego satisfied?
This is very very wrong.

Carl D Coye

Once when I was in elementary school, about 4th grade, I noticed something written on the back of school bus seat in front of me. It was a code of some sort. I don't remember the code exactly but based on what I had figured out it said something about liking me. I don't remember if I dared look around or not. It was very strange to me that someone had written this on the bus seat and I don't think I believed it.
Later, much later, like high school or a chance meeting as adults, the writer of the message confessed to me that they were they writer, they had planted it there intentionally, and that they had been surprised I had broken their code so easily.
In high school I received two letters -no, one poem and a letter, in the mail. The poem was well written, and flatteringly beautiful but also cheesy by my cheesy romance averse high school standard:
"your luminescence is by far are the brightest star in this moonlight sky" was my favorite line (and the only line I remember now)
The letter asked me to respond.  Begged me to. But I had no idea what I was responding to and I would not be made a mockery of. So I simply hand delivered to the requested mailbox a note that said it it was for real I was flattered and if it was a joke I was amused but I simply could not respond to someone or something I knew nothing about. I did not heard from them again... I assumed it had been a joke, but I kept the writings because you don't just throw out that kind of flattery, even if it is a joke, that took time, so even as a joke it is flattery, especially since I had foiled the prankster.
So I heard nothing, that is until facebook came about and (years later) this dear admirer in his facebook confessions he posted to entertain his own high school students made a confession that I recognized and called him out on. He was someone I had suspected, in fact the one I suspected most, because of some little subtleties around the time of the events, but I would not have asked, nor confronted him directly about it. So finally, after so many years my admirer finally revealed himself. Turned out it was not intended to be a joke, but rather it ended something like I deflated his ego/confidence in implying it may be a joke. I was one of a few (or maybe two) he had written letters to and he claimed he did not think through his fb confession and had not intended it to be for me. But coincidence [or maybe an internal subconscious determination to solve all mysteries] resulted in my seeing that particular confession and the mystery was solved easily after at least a decade. You can imagine the conversations we had via email after that.
...I eventually blew that up. I had to, it was spiraling out of control quickly. I suppose I was too hot a fire and far too vulnerable for that kind of flattery. But we stayed fb friends.
Maybe still I don't handle the flattery of attraction from men well...
But I am really good at solving the mystery even if I don't believe it
or don't want to.
... my guess this time; I am not the first or only, much like I was not the first or only girl to be flattered by previous cryptically composed admirers.