What to do when your therapist dumps you

This a snippet from my report of my own self discovery, I wrote it as an outward reflection in hopes of someday helping others if they ever find themselves in a similar situation.

I read a few articles that were extremely helpful for me, but there were very few, so I decided to publish this here as a way to pay it forward, to connect with my values today, and to honor both myself and my therapist I'd like to pass this info on sooner rather that later ...because I know how painful it can be and if I can help to relieve any suffering I am happy to. I'd like no one to go through these feelings alone, because you are not alone and you are loved more than you know.

6:56am
If your therapist dumps you and you liked them at all, even the smallest at all, then you need to realize that means they are at least good at wearing their mirrored therapist mask and it was you that you were seeing and liking. I hope that you can feel empowered by that. Now no sugar coating but; Yep, your screwed up, and yes, you have things to work on, But you have also seen a version of you that you can connect with, that you liked and that you can even love.

You liked you, not just your therapist.

You are worth liking and even loving. By accepting that part of you and all parts of you and then by choosing to be teachable, you can reach the best version of you; that version of you that you have hope of obtaining (I know you have that hope, and even the ability, or you would not have gone to therapy in the first place -and you would not be reading this at all).

No matter what reason he/she abandoned, rejected, or dumbed you it doesn’t really matter and no matter what he/she tells you, you will never be satisfied with their answer if you did not feel prepared for it, or if it caught you off guard.

But you can find comfort in knowing and trusting -if you liked them at all, even in the tiniest way- that:

1. you do like/love yourself and you can, - your even allowed to,

2. the therapist is good at their job even if they make mistakes, and

3. it proves two things;

a. you are worth loving and

b. your therapist has more faith in you than you know and they know you will be okay.

So choose to be okay and find a new therapist going in with an open heart and an open mind, agreeing to be teachable and knowing that you can change and you are on the right track, or that you can succeed, become a better you, be happy, manage your symptoms or whatever it is you are looking to get out of therapy. You can do it and you are worth it.

The crash... or a weakened battery to grieve?

If you cross a crow with a toad and a mouse it would sound something like I did today. As my body has worn thin from lack of sleep I have developed some sort of cold or sinus infection that is now attempting to steal my voice. You'd think I'd talk less because of it but I find it so funny sounding I may be talking far too much.
Fortunately for me they do not care to have toad-crow-mouse crosses teaching snowboard lessons at my Neverland (the resort I teach snowboard lessons at) so I got to back line. Which means you are the first one let off for the day if they don't need all of the instructors staffed.
So I didn't have to teach but since one of my favorite supervisors to clinic with was working  I asked if we could do a short clinic before I returned home to rest my body and prep for Italy. (* clinic meaning they take you on runs to work on teaching skills and technique)
Said clinician is very technical and his teaching style encourages you to think and solve.
We only got one run in but it was jam backed with review and technique work and reflection. I thought to do another run on my own, just for fun, but since mortality has returned to me in the form of this sickness I thought I best save my strength and return home.
I was feeling it. I was tired. And to be honest I was a bit relieved to finally be feeling tired. My heart isn't hurting anymore and I am no longer worried that I am going to morph into some alternative existences as I fight to stay okay. I am okay again just the expected tired. Still improved but tired. So I started to head home
And man was the tired starting to get to me.
I was so tired that before I even got out of the canyon I had to pull over just to close my eyes for a minute or two. I pulled over and turned the car off but it was cold so I turned the key back to the on position to keep the seat warmer working. I was asleep almost instantly.
In a little bit, not fully awake, I thought I better turn the car back on so I don't kill the battery so I turned the key... "What? it's already dead?"
How could that be? Over 45 minutes had passed. I thought it had been about 5 maybe 10. Holy crap I was tired. Much as I am now so I am going to sleep and will finish this in the morning.
It is now the next morning, after sleeping with only the aid of melatonin this time. I woke 3 times but was able to gently redirect my thoughts to places that would allow me to fall back asleep within a reasonable amount of time, since they were not full-blown-lights-all-on-(in the head) and heart-pushing-me-out wakings.
But 45 minutes I slept and while my car battery slowly died. I have so much to get done that I could have been mad about this but anger is not my emotions these days, what good does that do anyway. Besides it was funny and rather poetic that my crash would start in a car.
It may not be the crash, but I will let it be if it will let me.
However one thing had me wondering: is it the more cognitively demanding task coupled with body fatigue that brought me to a tired that was so intense I had to pull over and sleep only 5 miles from home?
Am I really going to have to grieve a loss of mental stamina?