I just have to say that sometimes I tend to avoid reading stuff about Mental illnesses, Mood Disorders, or what ever it may be called because I think it is so damn depressing. And I think "damn" is the right word there because there is often that undertone as well.
Sometimes I think I need to read more, but when I try to I feel completely discouraged or devoid of hope. Personally I think that is so totally lame. I read crap about depression an it is exactly that; depressing. I read crap about mental health issues and it is either all in your attitude or you are a completely helpless and mindless victim who I've seen put in the same categories as animals. I have read research that I know is easily ignorantly translated as "avoid anyone who is trying to live responsible with there mental disorder," rather go for the person who has yet to face these issues but in reality are possibly more likely to be problematic because they might have the same problems or worse but have not been allowed or willing to face them in a healthy and supportive way.
I get a bit fired up at the extreme views and the lack of a moderate middle ground. Yes, there are many that are "worse" than I but under the circumstances is it any wonder that people like my brother die by a fate of their own making, it's so freaking hopeless and taboo. Of all the gross and disgusting topics I hear discussed (even viewed) and offensive terms just casually tossed about that really probably should be taboo, why are mental illness's and disorders so taboo? I mean really people.
My brother-in-law, not the one who wrote the books but a different one, is a lost little soul in many peoples eyes but I don't think he is so much as people don't want to accept that he is fine living a life that they themselves are not fine with.
I hate that so much is an all or nothing approach, medicate or don't. Therapy or none. Mental or not. It's not that cut and dry and just because I occasionally benefit from an antidepressant does not make me less of a person. It also does not mean that I am helpless. Even in the misery of it all I am not a depressed person (OK, yes I am, but that is not who I am).
I have anxiety issue's, I struggle with depression, I have problems with obsessive thinking. I have low energy at times, I have trouble sleeping at times, I have panic attacks at time, I have racing thoughts MOST of the time. I have trouble focusing. Sometimes I eat too much and sometimes I don't eat enough. I am waaay too effected by waaay too many things. I have highs and ups that, though they can be fun, are idiotic even troublesome at times. Sometimes I wish to just be done with life and sometimes I think of ways to bring that about. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes I know that I have super powers, and even when I am "normal" I sometimes secretly know that it's not really crazy but rather just impossible to maintain (the super powers). I have multiple personalities that sometimes don't get along very well. I have excessive guilt. I have social anxiety. Sometimes I even think I need medication because I really can't "just deal with it" or "get over it."
I have issues. Yes, but so what.
Fortunately for me sometimes they can be fun. I think that is who I am, mostly because that is who I want to be more then it is the way that I tend to be most of the time.
No, I don't understand people who are always depressed and down, but does all the literature on depression have to be so dang hopeless? Maybe I'm just a fighter or maybe I am different or maybe I just don't want to give up hope and I don't think I ever will. I am sorry if that bothers people but I'd like to see a paradigm shift here. This may sound silly but depression doesn't have to be so depressing just like a fashionable and sensitive man doesn't have to be gay and just like a person with a bipolar or schizophrenic disorder/ illness doesn't have to take orders from their alter-egos and/or moods.
That is my statement for the day and I hope that you will have a good one.
Showing posts with label Bipolar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bipolar. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
MY BROTHER-IN-LAW
I wrote this entry but wanted to get permission from my brother-in-law before I made it public information. He not only gave me permission but also a link to his original book, I was very glad he did. I will explain why at the end of this post.
MY BROTHER-IN-LAW
When I got back from Florida my brother-in-law made an effort to talk to me. He even put himself out there by sharing some of his personal and seemingly embarrassing stories about his break down. I was entertained by his stories and appreciated his effort but I think I also made it painfully clear that “I was not like him.” I was not especially open to thinking that I may have been “mentally ill,” or potentially more so. My story was nothing like his. Though I knew that my little incident with the police officer was a God-send I also knew that the police officer really had over-reacted. I just had a touch of depression that I would get over and no longer need medication for ever again, and that was that. End of story.
Years later, years after I had successfully been weaned off of anti-depressants and ignorantly started to mentally turn south (so to speak), I read his story. It was then that I realized I really was more like him then I’d previously thought. I had, fortunately, just not progressed to as extreme a point. However, I could easily look at myself and realize that there were far too many times where I was on “the verge.” My mind seemed to work an awful lot like his and I could easily see myself in his shoes if a few of my scenario’s had been just a touch different or farther from home, culturally and physically. I felt extremely guilty for having been so judgmental and ignorant so many years ago, for what I was now certain would have contributed to a sense of isolation that I was sure he must have felt over the years.
I have come to realize not only how right my brother-in-law was, but also how brave and admirable he was for being willing to talk about it and exposing his own personal “flaw” for my sake. I have come to admire him tremendously for his effort to do the best HE can despite his illness. I have come to realize that there is not much of a line that separates the “insane” from the “sane.” In fact it is very possible that a mentally ill person who accepts it, deals with it, and makes the appropriate effort to live a mentally responsible life is likely much more sane then the multitude of masses who think they are above it, who think that they don’t relate, or who live oblivious and ignorantly in their superficial realities.
I am hyper-sensitive to many things, it has the ability to drive me nuts, but by acknowledging my intensities and sensitivities I can live responsibly and very well. Are you the same?
So that is the end and now I will explain about my bro-in-laws book that you can obtain a copy of through this link: http://www.bearcanyonpress.com/ .
The book that I referred to was the original unpublished version of "Enduring Well" (I was actually unaware of the "Into My Manic Mind" but I am excited to read it). I am not sure if some of what was in his original version is in the "Enduring Well" or "My Manic Mind" so honestly I'd say get both. The thing is when I read his book it gave me new awareness of how close I had potentially come to "insanity" and how to recognize some common early signs of danger. The descriptions of the break downs, that the publisher said were to "graphic" or a bit too much for the average reader, were exactly what I needed to help me be more aware of my own mental state. Ironically, in reference to the book that the Publisher published to be a self-help book, I have heard people say that it was a bit much for them and they had a hard time reading it because he was so much more extreme then they were. I realized instantly that it was because the publisher left out the background story and early symptoms, much of the detail that the publisher was afraid would be too much.
I remember Andy decided to self publish the original book because he felt it had a place and that his story could potentially help people. I would like to again say thank you to Andy because his willingness to share his "crazy life" has helped me from unknowingly getting too close to that breaking point myself.
And with that I wish you well and I hope that you enjoy the mental world that so many are more a part of than they realize.
MY BROTHER-IN-LAW
When I got back from Florida my brother-in-law made an effort to talk to me. He even put himself out there by sharing some of his personal and seemingly embarrassing stories about his break down. I was entertained by his stories and appreciated his effort but I think I also made it painfully clear that “I was not like him.” I was not especially open to thinking that I may have been “mentally ill,” or potentially more so. My story was nothing like his. Though I knew that my little incident with the police officer was a God-send I also knew that the police officer really had over-reacted. I just had a touch of depression that I would get over and no longer need medication for ever again, and that was that. End of story.
Years later, years after I had successfully been weaned off of anti-depressants and ignorantly started to mentally turn south (so to speak), I read his story. It was then that I realized I really was more like him then I’d previously thought. I had, fortunately, just not progressed to as extreme a point. However, I could easily look at myself and realize that there were far too many times where I was on “the verge.” My mind seemed to work an awful lot like his and I could easily see myself in his shoes if a few of my scenario’s had been just a touch different or farther from home, culturally and physically. I felt extremely guilty for having been so judgmental and ignorant so many years ago, for what I was now certain would have contributed to a sense of isolation that I was sure he must have felt over the years.
I have come to realize not only how right my brother-in-law was, but also how brave and admirable he was for being willing to talk about it and exposing his own personal “flaw” for my sake. I have come to admire him tremendously for his effort to do the best HE can despite his illness. I have come to realize that there is not much of a line that separates the “insane” from the “sane.” In fact it is very possible that a mentally ill person who accepts it, deals with it, and makes the appropriate effort to live a mentally responsible life is likely much more sane then the multitude of masses who think they are above it, who think that they don’t relate, or who live oblivious and ignorantly in their superficial realities.
I am hyper-sensitive to many things, it has the ability to drive me nuts, but by acknowledging my intensities and sensitivities I can live responsibly and very well. Are you the same?
So that is the end and now I will explain about my bro-in-laws book that you can obtain a copy of through this link: http://www.bearcanyonpress.com/ .
The book that I referred to was the original unpublished version of "Enduring Well" (I was actually unaware of the "Into My Manic Mind" but I am excited to read it). I am not sure if some of what was in his original version is in the "Enduring Well" or "My Manic Mind" so honestly I'd say get both. The thing is when I read his book it gave me new awareness of how close I had potentially come to "insanity" and how to recognize some common early signs of danger. The descriptions of the break downs, that the publisher said were to "graphic" or a bit too much for the average reader, were exactly what I needed to help me be more aware of my own mental state. Ironically, in reference to the book that the Publisher published to be a self-help book, I have heard people say that it was a bit much for them and they had a hard time reading it because he was so much more extreme then they were. I realized instantly that it was because the publisher left out the background story and early symptoms, much of the detail that the publisher was afraid would be too much.
I remember Andy decided to self publish the original book because he felt it had a place and that his story could potentially help people. I would like to again say thank you to Andy because his willingness to share his "crazy life" has helped me from unknowingly getting too close to that breaking point myself.
And with that I wish you well and I hope that you enjoy the mental world that so many are more a part of than they realize.
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