Screams that go unheard

 As I continue to write my medical malpractice claim sometimes my insides start screaming, "ARE YOU INSANE?!?! HOW IN THE HELL COULD YOU IGNORE, DISMISS, DISREGARD AND THEN DENY THE MANIA I WAS EXPERIENCING UNDER YOUR CARE???" 

It is screaming so loud inside of me that it slips out of my now very stable and very level self as I audibly question the emails in a normal curious tone. 

It is mind boggling. And disturbing. 

Embarrassing.

EMBARRASSING

and not just for me. But (and really even more so) for Dr. He and IHC.  Really? "No evidence of mania, except for in the emails?" That evidence alone being over-the-top and so extreme that

It makes my insides scream 

at them and everyone who has played a part in the misdiagnosing and dismissing of dangerous conditions

of me and the reckless disregard for me 

and the disregard for every other person in the world around me 

because that is one of the very scary realities of mania when one does not know or believe they have it. 

The PANEL, from DOPL. I won't but I want to disclose their names now too because of what they have dismissed and condoned. It is very, very scary to society to know that these types of acts and omissions are so common and or excused that they would so easily dismiss, condone, and turn a blind eye. 

It is so so so so disturbing the more you dig into this medical malpractice world. It is very very scary how IHC has used laws to create and hide, beyond what is discoverable, entire fraudulent departments and practices that literally oppress, abuse, and distress faithful and trusting patients who have been the "victims" of mistakes made by their false gods with PhD's. 

My plight, I am finding, is likely going to have to rise to the level of challenging the Unconstitutionality of what is really going on in the medical malpractice world, laws, and the Courts who too frequently solely protect the attorneys of the providers- To be clear, it is NOT the medical providers being protected, it is their attorneys' paycheck that is exclusively and shamelessly protected. 

It benefits neither providers nor patients for medical and psychological providers to 1st misdiagnose, then deny misdiagnosis and then to arrogantly/stubbornly/ ignorantly/ shamelessly/maliciously/or-whatever-it-is-ly continue down a path with a patent that deprives them of dignity and their rights and refuses to address the providers obligations to improve the practices of medical and psychological care for others and society in general -and according to the Medical Practice Act and their Associations' codes of conduct and ethics. 

My insides still demand, "What the hell is wrong with all of you? I was such a mess and you claim I 'just didn't like what you decided.'"

Do I really have to explain that you do not actually get to decide if a person is sick, injured, or ill? NOPE you really don't. Your job is to diagnose, not to decide, but to recognize and then treat. Really, it's true, your decision does not change the condition of the patient. Your treatment does. So if your decision contradicts reality and you refuse to change your mind then you are a threat to your profession and your patients. 

Screaming. My insides are still screaming. 

My condition was so so -resisting-the-urge-to-curse- bad that it is egregious just how vehemently they deny it and their responsibilities associated. 

I meant for this to be a very short post- a quick shout-out- to validate and relieve the screaming inside of me and reasons for it... but my insides are still screaming... screaming to be let out and heard knowing the danger I was and will always be in without proper and adequate care and the danger others are in because our medical institutions are not what they claim to be.

...maybe...Screaming to be free of the danger I am in when and/if others likewise "decide" that I, and my kind, are not worth treating, listening to etc, again. 

Their decision was to invalidate me, degrade me, dismiss me and continue with practices and policies that perpetuate harm; and thus they are correct, I did not like their decision. Do you? 

The screams of bad dreams that no one can hear when you are in desperate need of help... 

The screams then turns into pleadings, because they hold all the power and their decisions had such a significant impact on me and their decisions will continue to have significant impacts on the lives, health, safety and livelihood of others and society in general.