Not been writing much. That is usually a good sign. Usually means I am feeling pretty "normal" and forgetting "all that."
Sometimes it is nice to be able to forget that my head may or may not be screwed on tight and that I may or may not be crazy or something close to it and that I may or may not be fully responsible for all my stupidity and insanity. So it is nice that I may or may not be "normal" but that lately I just don't care.
SO that brings me to my point of writing today.
I still feel a need to publish and post many other thoughts and crap but today I just feel kind of blah... and you know what I kind of liked it. It was like a down, depressed, kind of day where I just wanted to do nothing, waste time and sleep (and I did do those things) but it was calm. I just felt blah and I was able to just be. I lived today like I have eternity for everything else and it was nice. My head wasn't screaming or over active. The "voices" were easily identified and ignored. My kids were cute and pleasant even when they were driving me nuts or I was feeling a tinge guilty for laying down. My job was eventful but dull. But the sun warmed me a bit and I got to chase my son half way to school.
I want to sleep so much and so often that sometimes I think I might be dying. I doubt it but, whatever, I'm OK.
I am OK with my boring, down day that was not boring at all. It was nice to just feel blah and not much else. It was nice to make mistakes and have them be just that, a mistake, not the end of the world. It was really nice. What a lovely depressed day I had. (and that exclamation point totally does not fit with the kind of day it was, but I am leaving it, instead of deleting it, so that I can have to explain it because that is my boring humor today... but I really didn't like the way it looked when I read over this again so I deleted it anyway, but I am leaving the explanation now I feel a boring little laugh inside of me and I have a boring little smile... I guess I still might be crazy, oh well, crazy can be fun)
Love the nothing days. Jesse and I have been enjoying one today, we both have finished a book and have been absolutely lazy. It is driving the kids nuts!
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