Monday, May 10, 2010

oh the places we will go

I feel inclined to write often. I intend to write on very good days, but that rarely seems to happen. It seems that I manage to make time and make it a priority on the not so happy days anymore...

So I suppose it goes without saying that I am not so up today (but I'll say it anyway).

I am over all fine and happy enough most of the time. I am glad to have rather steady and much more consistent moods and personalities (yes, that is meant to be plural). But sometimes I wonder and sometimes I am not sure if this (my metal state) is where I am meant to be. Sometimes I feel anxiety sneaking in, trying to reestablish it's regular presence. Sometimes I miss the more intense ups in their various forms. Sometimes I am not sure if "this is normal" or do I need to up a dose before my brain gets too far ahead of me.

Over all I am glad. I think it very likely that my shorter hours spent sleeping and the way that I have been able to safely let my guard down in so many ways is starting to catch up as I may have let it down a bit too much (as it so often goes), but only a bit . I suppose things are always going to be a bit more complicated. But then again I think the psychology of every individual is very complicated and in that I am no different. I must say that, if anything, I am lucky to be so aware of mine and how to handle myself realizing my weaknesses and knowing the boundaries and when I am getting to close. I think in many ways I am probably ahead of the game. Maybe I am overly confident but I have had a lot of practice...
Yet, then again, who knows what age has in store for me.

Life is always an adventure. One Grand Adventure

and I intend to enjoy.