I am a giraffe

The night before last I was telling my husband that I think I would be fine to go off medication. I told him that I'm really fine and I really probably don't need it. That I really don't want to take medication so I was thinking about going off. If you have read any of my blog you would gather that I really do not like the idea of "needing" medication one bit. I want to be fine on my own.
I know that it is a typical response for many that take medication to get to the point where they feel fine and have enjoyed some stability to then think that they really don't need medication and stop taking it. I know this but still my response to my husband with all that he would say when explaining that he really didn't think it a good idea was that I was really just being a hypochondriac of some pathetic sort and that's all. Really I am fine it was just due to this or that as to why I was such a freak before but now I can see it for what it was and I am fine.

Well you'd think that I'd have learned by now.

But then yesterday I had an appointment with the psychiatrist. It went well and he was very happy with the result and how I was doing (I like that he was happy for me, not just for the results)....
But then we got to my giraffe patches.
What are giraffe patches you ask?
Well no one really knows.
I'll do my best to explain. In about March or so I noticed a circle on the side of my torso. It looked like some one had stuck a suction of some sort (you know how it works, suction on the skin and leave the red circle. A common gag that people will pull leaving a red embarrassing mark on the chin or what have you). I thought it weird because I couldn't figure out where it came from. So I watched it. It didn't go away. Then I started noticing other "circles" only some were oblong and they were various sizes. At that point I believe there were five ranging from about an inch in diameter to one that stretched from my shoulder blade to the center of my chest in front. They are a very faint red outline. They are not elevated, scaly, itchy, or anything else. Just a faint red outline. Oh, and they grow. As they grow there shape does not stay so circular but change to shapes that resemble something more like the shapes of a giraffe spots (not the color, color stays the same). But unlike a giraffe they will actually converge with each other. Now these lovely spots are rather faint and limited to being only places hidden by clothing on my torso. Like I said, they do not itch or bother me in any way. I did call the psychiatrist office when I first noticed them (per the medication disclosures request) but they did not recognize them as symptoms of any major problems due to medication but strongly suggested I see a dermatologist. Which I did and he was baffled (though he was a seasoned PA) but not super concerned. So I haven't worried. However they are reproducing and I have quite a few more.

Back to my appointment with the psychiatrist. He was concerned. Something about it possibly being an indication of other potential problems, I don't know. But he suggested that I go off the Lamictal very slowly, stay off it for a few weeks and see if the "spots" go away. I guess said drug can effect the skin and apparently he is concerned about it if it is obviously getting worse.

You might assume that I was happy to have permission to taper off. I would have assumed it. But after having the conversation with him about how well I was doing and the conversation with the husband the night before, I suppose I recognized a thing or two and I was not supper thrilled with the idea of going off... just yet. Rather I was quite nervous about it. I like the way that I feel these days and I guess that outweighs my desire to not take medication.
But the doctor said it would be the prudent thing to do.
He concurred with me trying to go off the antidepressant first just to see if it might be a combination of the two that might be the culprit. Though he didn't seem to think it was too likely I think we are both hopeful that maybe just maybe that will work (and I will loose my giraffe spots).
Well I guess we will see.
Here is to a new adventure!