Feeling Good - it is okay to be happy

So it's funny (really it's not) but the longer I'm on medication the more I begin to wonder why I struggle so much with the issue of taking it. I respond quite well to it. Sure I'm still a bit neurotic and still intense and all that, but I can physically feel the "chemicals" attempt to start to surge but then they don't and I have to say, it's nice. ("chemicals:" endorphins, adrenaline, not exactly sure what they are but you sure can feel them when they start escalating). I am not flying of the handle for trivial things and that is nice. And I can think myself out of things again without having to fall asleep to make my mind stop. I don't cry at everything and I can be happy and enjoy my day without getting overly excited like a puppy when his owner comes home. Sure I don't seem to get the same euphoric feelings as much but at least it's not followed by the depths of hell for who knows how long after. And the dark, the dark that you just can't explain but if you've felt it you know, it's not so much present or slyly lurking, watching and waiting around the next corner. I feel normal. Eventually my mind stops turning to death as the answer to everything (good or bad). And as fun as they can be, I do have less crazy days and times (I mean that both seriously and sarcastically). And eventually I'll be able to watch movies and television a bit more (though I still won't care to) and not be so darned affected by them and there "messages," still will but I'll at least be within a functional range.
I think it was the wise mantis sister who put it accurately when she said of taking medication when it is needed: "you don't lose yourself, you get yourself back."
I really hate to be putting in plugs for drugs... But when they work so well why do I keep struggling with taking them? I think I've mentioned reasons.
I think we are a bit too judgemental when it comes to taking these types of medications, I know that I am. Are they over prescribed? Probably. Does that mean that I shouldn't take them? I have to admit that I used to think this way, up until very recent, really. But eventually I realized how stupid that kind of thinking was. Because people take advantage of water and waste it, I should not drink it? You see, it's stupid! I think it has taken years of counseling for me to come to that conclusion (and my very patient counselor very carefully suggested that I might consider that avenue again).
But true to my nature, where before I was all about taking care of it naturally, now it sounds like I'm all about the drugs... I swear, I'm really not, I am just starting to really feel and notice the difference. And I like to talk about what I am feeling.
I also must admit that I often warned people of the problems they'd face if they took the prescription drug route. That was really bad advice for my brother...
My advice now would rather be "life does not have to be so hard" and "do what is necessary and be fine with it." We don't need to fight such a rough battle. It is OK to be happy, it is OK to enjoy life and there are a whole lot of different ways to do that. Be true to yourself, be true to Jesus, be true to Buddha, be true to what is good. You know what is good even when that is not you.
All we can do is our best and that is what I try to do. Not "my best isn't good enough" and not anyone else's best, but my best and on the days when I really don't know what that means or how then I only try and sometimes it's a matter of just hanging on.
I was just feeling "the difference" and I thought I might mention it. Hopefully it will be "the difference" that I feel more of. Had I started this blog sooner you'd probably hear more about the other Me's that are entertaining, I'm sure, but not my favorite. It's nice to feel level. I hope it lasts, but if not, that's o.k., I've been through this before and I know what to do.