Tuesday, September 10, 2013

I once rolled my car by over correcting.
My metaphoric mind was thinking about all those "crazy" people who tout loving and forgiving yourself, and all the good karma ideals that occasionally frustrate me. (We can include at least one of my alter egos among the tout-ers.) But I think the thing that can frustrate is when I see those who fully love and forgive themselves all the time instead of changing the offending habit. I feel a bit apprehensive to fully accept myself as a good person when I am not yet.  It's tricky.
On the one hand I realize the power of forgiveness and that I'll not be capable of change if I don't forgive myself and give myself some credit and yet I don't want to excuse my own bad behavior. To correct is good.
...But to over correct can be just as bad and at times even worse.
I rolled a car once because I over corrected.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Sometimes I think I just might say "depressions a #@*$^*" but I think the censored word is quite offensive and degrading toward women and it bothers me that there isn't a term as equally degrading to be directed toward men.  Or maybe "man" is offensive enough. Kidding, that is my super-feminist alter ego trying to overtake.  I'd really rather the world just be less derogatory toward women. But I digress.
Those thoughts weren't even on my radar when I logged in to write about my bouts with the depression and anxiety that are recently trying to overwhelm the system.
Depression is a beast and it's not easy.  It seems to lie patiently waiting for any break in the system. Pressing on all sides just waiting for any little crack to open up so that it can ooze back in and slowly, or rapidly depending on the size of the gap, attempt to drown out all hope, ambition, light and joy.
A sinking ship.
But I've come up before and I will again. My ship will not go down today nor tomorrow. And it most certainly won't go down without a fight.
So to repairs before all sides collapse against the weight!

(and the little iconic friend is the first patch)