(I wrote this a while ago and when I posted it today it posted on the date I started writing it but I want things to be in a certain order so I am re-posting it for a today post.)
I just have to say that sometimes I tend to avoid reading stuff about Mental illness's or Mood Disorders or what ever it may be called because I think it is so damn depressing. And I think "damn" is the right word there because there is often that undertone as well. Sometimes I think I need to read more, but when I try to I feel completely discouraged or devoid of hope. Personally I think that is so totally lame. I read crap about depression an it is exactly that. I read crap about mental health issues and it is either all in your attitude or you are a completely helpless and mindless victim who I've seen put in the same categories of animals. I have read research that I know is easily ignorantly translated as "avoid anyone who is trying to live responsible with there mental disorder" but rather go for the person who has yet to face these issues but in reality are possibly more likely to be problematic because they might have the same problems or worse but have not been allowed to face them, or is unwilling to face them, in a healthy and supportive way. I get a bit fired up at the extreme views and the lack of a moderate middle ground. Yes, there are many that are "worse" then I but under the circumstances is it any wonder that people like my brother die by a fate of their own making, it's so freaking hopeless and taboo. Of all the gross and disgusting topics I hear discussed (even viewed) and offensive terms just casually tossed about that really probably should be taboo, why are mental illness's and disorders so taboo? I mean really people. My brother-in-law, not the one who wrote the books but a different one, is a lost little soul in many peoples eyes but I don't think he is so much as people don't want to accept that he is fine living a life that they themselves are not fine with. I hate that so much is an all or nothing approach, medicate or don't. Therapy or none. Mental or not. It's not that cut and dry and just because I occasionally benefit from an antidepressant does not make me less of a person. It also does not mean that I am helpless and even in the misery of it all I am not a depressed person (OK yes I am but that is not who I am). I have anxiety issue's, I struggle with depression, I have problems with obsessive thinking. I have low energy at times, I have trouble sleeping at times, I have panic attacks at time, I have racing thoughts MOST of the time. I have trouble focusing. Sometimes I eat too much and sometimes I don't eat enough. I am waaay too effected by waaay too many things. I have highs and ups that , though can be fun, are idiotic even troublesome at times. Sometimes I wish to just be done with life and sometimes I think of ways to bring that about. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes I know that I have super powers, and even when I am "normal" I sometimes secretly know that it's not really crazy but rather just impossible to maintain (super powers that is). I have multiple personalities that sometimes don't get along very well. I have excessive guilt. I have social anxiety. Sometimes I even think I need medication because I really can't "just deal with it" or "get over it." I have issues. Yes, but so what. Fortunately for me sometimes they can be fun. I think that is who I am, mostly because that is who I want it to be more then that is the way that I tend to be most of the time. No, I don't understand people who are always depressed and down, but does all the literature on depression have to be so dang hopeless? Maybe I'm just a fighter or maybe I am different or maybe I just don't want to give up hope and I don't think I ever will. I am sorry if that bothers people but I'd like to see a paradigm shift here. This may sound silly but depression doesn't need to be so depressing just like a fashionable and sensitive man doesn't need to be gay and just like a person with a bipolar or schizophrenic disorder/ illness doesn't have to take orders from their alter-egos and/or moods. That is my statement for the day and I hope that you will have a good one to.
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